Validating problem

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Your experiences and biology influence your emotional reactions.

If your best friend was bitten by a dog a few years ago, she is not likely to enjoy playing with your German Shepherd.

Understanding that your emotions are normal is helpful for everyone.

For the emotionally sensitive person, knowing that anyone would be upset in a specific situation is validating. Speaking before an audience the first time is scary for anyone." Level Six is Radical Genuineness.

Then either name the emotions you hear or guess at what the person might be feeling.

"I'm guessing you must have felt pretty hurt by her comment" is Level Three validation.

Remember that you may guess wrong and the person could correct you.

It's her emotion and she is the only one who knows how she feels. Level Four is Understanding the Person's Behavior in Terms of their History and Biology.

There is nothing to make her response more understandable in terms of her history, so Level 4 is not possible. She quit because her boss loudly criticized her in front of other people.Validation at this level would be saying, "Given what happened to you, I completely understand your not wanting to be around my dog." Self-validation would be understanding your own reactions in the context of your past experiences.Level Five is normalizing or recognizing emotional reactions that anyone would have.Just being present, paying complete attention to the person in a nonjudgmental way, is often the answer.For yourself, being mindful of your own emotion is the first step to accepting your emotion.

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